CaringBridge Staff | 08.11.22
When we lose a loved one, finding the right words to say goodbye can add stress to an already unimaginable time. We asked our amazing CaringBridge community for advice on what to say when the time comes to saying goodbye to a loved one.
Here are their heartfelt ideas and stories:
Give Them Permission to Let Go
Telling your loved one it’s OK to let go can be an emotional relief for both of you.
“For the week before my dad died, I talked to him about so many things, memories and how much I loved him. He may or may not have heard me, but it was stuff I needed to say to him. I made sure he was blessed by a priest and his sins were forgiven so he could die peacefully. The night before he died, again I talked to him, telling him how much I loved him and in that conversation, I gave him ‘permission’ to do what he had to do. Within 10 hours, he passed away.”
Jean P.
“It’s OK to go. We will be OK. We love you so much and know you will always be with us and we will see you again.”
Ashley C.
Be Personal
Your loved one is unique in so many ways. Tell them how much you appreciate what makes them special:
“My father was a scientist with master’s degrees in both mathematics and engineering. He was not a religious man, but a kind and generous man, and he believed, first and foremost, in electricity. His early work in the development and testing of jet engines, x-ray machinery, wireless telemetry and nuclear resonance may have hastened the multiple cancers that took him at 62 years old. He would tell us, ‘Your brain and your body are made of charged ions, your thoughts and your dreams are electrical impulses, your soul is electrical energy…and energy never dies, it is attracted and repelled by all the forces around us.’ He died in my arms, and I felt that force pass through my entire body, to the ends of my hair… I had whispered to him that I would carry his energy in my heart… and I do.”
Kathryn L.
Respect Their Wishes
Now is the time to truly listen to what your loved one wants (even if it’s not what you want). Try to avoid arguing and practice acceptance.
“I was quiet and sat with Mom, she didn’t want a service, just us by her side.”
Sheila R.
Offer Reassurance
“Let them know you will be OK. Sometimes they can’t let go until they know that.”
Nancy M.S.
See AlsoHow to Say Goodbye in Spanish: 70+ Practical Farewell Words and Phrases for All Occasions | FluentU Spanish BlogMexican Culture - GreetingsHow to Say Hello in Spanish in 77 Different Ways40 Puerto Rican Slang Words and Phrases That Blew Our Minds“As long as you are alive a part of them will live on, too. They will always be in our hearts and minds, so go ahead and rest in peace. Family members long gone are waiting to be united with you again.”
Betty A.
“I took care of my husband while he was ill, and when he asked me if I would be mad at him if he went, I told him that he would always be with me, no matter where he was.”
Mary S.
Show Your Appreciation
“Thank you for being in my life, and thank you for the difference you made.”
Ruthie M.
Say What You Need to Say
Don’t hold back when it comes to sharing how you feel.
“Know you may only have one chance. Don’t hold back – say everything you need to say and everything they need to hear.”
Tammy S.W.
Tell Them How Much You Love Them
“I will always love you. You live in my heart.”
Carleen C. S.
“I sent my mother, my father, and my husband off with the words you may have read above: “I love you “and “I will miss you, but it is okay for you to go.” “I will be all right.” You can go now. ” I feel them with me where ever I go so I know they knew and could slip away with peace. I had to say ‘goodbye’ in my way with each. It will be the same with any other relatives through this test we have called ‘life’.”
Peggy O.
Let Them Know You’ll See Each Other Again
Many people find religion to be a great comfort during this time. You can remind your loved one that this isn’t really goodbye.
“When my 7 year old was dying from leukemia, I told her it was OK to let go, and to stop fighting. I told her to go on to heaven, and that Mommy, Daddy and Ariana loved her. I told her we will see each other again in heaven. The day of her memorial service, we wrote messages on the balloons we released. It helped me a lot as a mother grieving for her child.”
Patricia G.
Share Memories
The memories you’ve shared with your loved one last forever. Reminisce on the good times, and have a good laugh with your loved one about the silly stories. You can write down memories beforehand if it helps you remember, and then you’ll also have them to look back upon.
Be By Their Side
Sometimes there are no words to say goodbye. Being right by their side, holding their hand and giving them a hug makes your support and love known more than anything else.
“Don’t say goodbye. Just say, ‘I love you and will keep you in my heart forever.’”
Sandra L.
At 94 my Dad was no longer responsive and organs were shutting down. My siblings and I sat around his bed retelling our favorite memories with Dad and the jokes he told and played on us. Nothing would have pleased and comforted him and us as much as his children being together loving and supporting each other. Although we’ve all shed our tears missing Dad, we have only good memories of Dad’s last week here.
Diane C.
Share Your Story With CaringBridge
Everyone has their own ways of saying goodbye to loved ones. If it helps you to share, please leave a comment with any words that have helped you say goodbye.
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Topics
- Grief
About the Author
When it comes to knowing "what to say," "what to do," and getting through things no one should ever go through, the best source of advice and inspiration for CaringBridge users is often other CaringBridge users. Articles like this, featuring the experience of patients and family caregivers, are compiled by our staff.
My brother died of COVID in a memory care facility near me. I was allowed to be with him because I was a retired nurse and was fully vaccinated. His daughter was 3000 miles away, so I brought in my iPad and put her by his bed so she could see and talk to him. When he heard her voice he stopped struggling and slipped into a coma. This lasted for about four days. Then hours before he passed we were given a gift. I was giving him an ice chip on his dry mouth. With all the energy he could muster he spit out the ice and then he laughed out loud. His daughter and I laugh so hard. He had a wonderful sense of humor and loved to laugh. We knew all was well with his spirit!
Let them know you’ll be ok and that you are grateful for all their time and love! Also that as long as your here so will they be in memories,thoughts,pictures and above all love! My Mom always said “ presence is more important than presents”, it is so true!
Dear Stevie, I just received John’s and Gloria’s letters and am so sorry that modern medicine was unable to stop your problem. My memories of you will always be with me. You were such a fabulous staff member at Oak and Loyola. As a classroom aide you were fabulous. The fun times we all enjoyed celebrating our birthdays and visits at Tahoe continue to pop into my mind often! You will be missed by all who knew you. I have faith in an after life. God bless you. Love, Ellen
Tell them everything that is in your heart,
great site and easy to use
great site!
What a sweet wonderful service for sherry. I enjoyed the music and minister and the heart felt tributes that Bart and Shelly made. Sherry was definitely loved . See u soon sherry miller , goodnight for now. May God bless us all till we see I in the morning.
I sat with my Father several nights in the Nursing Home until he fell asleep. The last night I talked to him about several things and we listened to music on the radio, he did not speak but believed he heard me. I did tell him it was OK to go as Mom was ready for him but did not want him to go it was time. We would all miss him but did not want him to suffer. I fell asleep till morning and left for work. I got a call that he was restless if I would come back so I called my Sister to go instead as she was never called. I got a call back within a half hour to come. He passed away before I got there. I believe he needed me to tell him it was okay but did not want me to be there for the end.
At 94 my Dad was no longer responsive and organs were shutting down. My siblings and I sat around his bed retelling our favorite memories with Dad and he jokes he told and played on us. Nothing would have pleased and comforted him and us as much as his children being together loving and supporting each other. Although we’ve all shed our tears missing Dad, we have only good memories of Dad’s last week here.
TOP OF THE LINE/ THANK YOU.
I sent my mother, my father, and my husband off with the words you may have read above: “I love you “and “I will miss you, but it is okay for you to go.” “I will be all right.” You can go now. ” I feel them with me where ever I go so I know they knew and could slip away with peace. I had to say ‘goodbye’ in my way with each. It will be the same with any other relatives through this test we have called ‘life’.
I am the cate giver for someone with a glioblastoma brain tumor. I have sent family members this article. i hope it helps them through this difficult time. Our loved one is really to go home to Jesus. i wonder at times if he is waiting for family members to say ” we are ok, go home to Jesus, we will join you soon.
Very touching stories, tearjerker. I
Thank you so much for your story
Hospice gave us “Transitions and Letting Go” booklets which said everything that you have said here . It was helpful to use, reread, and use some more. Excellent advice! Thank you.
